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Take Two Aspirin and Look At Yourself Carefully in the Mirror
By Dean Rotbart
I recently went to see my long-time family doctor complaining of a reoccurring headache.
The doctor listened patiently to my description of the symptoms and the impact the condition was having on my quality of life.
After a brief examination, he excused himself, presumably to check in on another patient.
While I awaited his return, I realized that I could actually hear the doctor's muffled voice through the adjoining wall. He was not in another examination room, but on the phone, in his own office. I don't know exactly with whom he was speaking, but I assume it was a family member or business partner because the doctor was obviously familiar with the caller. To my great surprise, the subject of his conversation was me and my medical condition. The doctor's side of the conversation, as best as I can reconstruct, went something like this·.
"Oh, yes, I've had an opportunity to examine Mr. Rotbart and reach a diagnosis."
"Yes, his behavior is largely responsible for his predicament, but I can't tell him that, he might be offended."
"No, I won't refer him to a specialist. I know as much as any damned specialist. And besides, I don't want to risk losing him to another practitioner."
"Look, how stupid do you think I am? If I give him the correct prescription, he won't need me anymore. What kind of businessman would that make me?"
"Ethics, schmethics. I'll cure him eventually, but first I want to let this money pony ride."
The doctor returned to my examination room with a frank yet puzzled expression on his face.
"I have to tell you, Mr. Rotbart, it may be nothing, but symptoms like yours are often earlier indicators of a more serious medical conditions. I'm going to recommend a battery of tests over a period of months to assess your condition and make certain that it isn't life threatening. I'm sure you'll agree that caution is the better part of valor."
Can anyone spell malpractice?
Oddly enough, while no patient would tolerate such behavior from a physician, I know dozens of corporate CEOs and business owners who allow themselves to be treated in a parallel fashion by their outside PR consultants.
Media relations, unlike medicine, is often a rather simple affair. More often than not, a bad media relations program can be quickly repaired if someone, anyone, would just have the courage to tell the CEO what a horse's ass s/he is being when it comes to media relations. Far more than any investigative journalist, CEOs are their own worst enemies.
But once your average PR agency jumps on board, it isn't about to risk derailing the gravy train by quickly and correctly diagnosing the problem. More likely, the agency, at its client's ample expense, will undertake to study the matter, hiring on even more consultants and experts to weigh the non-weighty matter.
"Let's see, this company lies to the public and lies to the media and refuses to acknowledge its errors. I wonder what media strategy can cover for that?"
CEOs, who are used to paying through the nose for outside advice, often hire the biggest and most prestigious PR agencies. This makes for great cover when the proverbial crap hits the fan. The CEO can always go to the board and protest, "but I hired the best and paid the most, I can't be blamed."
The best PR agencies are seldom the biggest. How can they possibly be? In order to sustain the army of people they employee and their high-rent office space, they have to constantly find and expand their reasons to exist.
I was privy to a media relations strategy session not long ago between a Fortune 500 company and its outside PR agency. I swear, the agency account executive did everything in his power to scare the be Jesus out of the client vis a vis the media. The account exec even went so far as to relay scandalous stories of his own tenure as a journalist to help explain why the media can never be trusted. (But this snake of a PR agent can be trusted?)
Perhaps, companies who want to get the most out of the PR dollar should consider term limits for their PR agencies. Give them twelve months - eighteen if you're generous - to fix the problem and get out. If they're still studying the matter when winter has come, g one and come anew, I'd kick their sorry butts out of there.
As for the CEO as patient, the cure is really quite simple. If you quit closing your eyes about the way the media really work, then perhaps you'll stop stumbling into so many walls. That ought to cure alleviate your headaches right off.
Now send me a consulting fee of $10,000 and we'll call it even.
December 10, 2001
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