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The Deadly 'Mister'
By Dean Rotbart
"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy" - Juliet (Act 2, Scene 2)
I am about to suckle a silky, well-earned, after-dinner treat when the phone rudely interrupts my hedonism.
"Is this Dee Anne Roth Bart?" the interloper inquires. Without uttering a sound, I hang up and return to my chocolate mousse fantasies.
For all I know, or care, the caller may have been seeking to inform me that I'd just won the PowerBall lottery and to inquire if I'd like a lump cash payment or an annual annuity.
But after he mangles my name, I just assume he's trying to sell me some junk and I won't be bothered.
What could be worse than getting phone spammed at desert time?
How about getting phone spammed on deadline?
There is not a "Do Not Call" registry in which journalists can enroll to block PR executives and other story telemarketers from interrupting their concentration. Moreover, journalists pretty much have to answer their phones, since they never know when they'll win the lottery in the form of that exclusive story tip that gets them the scoop.
But mispronounce a journalist's name or fail to address the journalist appropriately, and you're likely to hear a dial tone faster than the journalist can type the words "you jerk."
Imagine for a moment that instead of being a male nurse, actor Ben Stiller had played a journalist in the film "Meet the Parents," which also starred Robert De Niro and Blythe Danner.
A running gag in that 2000 flick was the way in which the entire world seemed to trip over the name of Stiller's character, Gaylord Focker,
Rather than go through life as "Gay Focker," Stiller's character adopted the nickname Greg. Even so, that didn't prevent some R-rated interpretations of how to pronounce his last name.
For many years at The Wall Street Journal, I worked with a non-fictional colleague whose byline was "G. Christian Hill." I was always fascinated with the dilemma his byline presented to PR people who wanted to write or call him to pitch a story idea.
The simple deduction, of course, would be that the reporter was a male, because his middle name, Christian, is typically a male name and hence to address him as "Mr. Hill." Yet invoking the deadly "Mister" in contacting any journalist (or "Ms.") is tantamount to announcing yourself as a paid telemarketer looking to sell magazine subscriptions. You probably won't make many newsroom sales.
I suspect most PR people focused on the name Christian and the coin-toss of referring to my colleague as Chris or Christian. Of course, they could also have been stupid enough to address him by his first initial, "G."
"Hello, G. This is Nellie Yang with Acme Public Relations. How are you today?"
A sure-fire nonstarter!
I suspect most PR people never used a name at all, which is probably better than using the wrong name. But it is also extremely awkward to carry on a sincere sounding sales pitch with someone who you can't address directly.
"Uh, I really love your work....uh,....oh....aah"
I always advise PR executives to use my patented Sunday Night Trick. On Sunday nights, almost no one is EVER in the newsroom. That makes it a perfect time to call and listen to reporters' voice mail announcements, where they almost always identify themselves as they want to be addressed.
"Hi, this is Greg Hill. I'm away from my desk right now. Please leave a message."
And so the dilemma of what to call "G. Christian Hill" is quickly resolved.
If your Sunday night expedition yields a "This is Robert," don't call him "Bob" on Monday. I know reporters whose bylines are "John" but go by "Jack." In the list below, you'll find an "Alex" who is a she. That is probably wise to know before you address an e-mail to "Mr. Kuczynski," a double no-no.
With so many reporters who have names grid locked with consonants and hyphens, it is also useful to use my Sunday Night Trick to verify that you are pronouncing their names correctly.
Below, a short sampler of journalists who likely will cast favor on you if you DO manage to pronounce their names correctly. There are hundreds of other reporters and editors, just like them, waiting to hang up on the next fool who mispronounces their names. Don't let it be you.
Anand, Vineeta Vin-EE-tah AH-nahnd Pensions & Investments Deogun, Nikhil Nick-HILL Dee-OWE-gun Wall Street Journal Freudenheim, Milt FROY-den-hime New York Times Hutheesing, Nikhil Nick-HILL Hoo-TEE-sing Forbes Kuczynski, Alex Koo-CHIN-ski New York Times Lau, Gloria LOW (rhymes with "wow") Investors Business Daily Moukheiber, Zina ZE-na Muh-HUHYE-ber Forbes Safian, Robert SAF-ee-en Money Somasundaram, Meera MEER-ah So-ma-son-DAH-rum Reuters
####
Free Media Relations Workshop
Are you looking for other pratfalls to avoid in your media contacts? Why not register now for one of my free monthly media relations workshops.
The next available one-day sampler will be held in Denver. Registration is free to any business owner or full-time company public relations executives. Owners and operators of PR agencies are also invited.
The one-day free workshop features highlights of my very popular $2,000 two-day intensive Newsroom Confidential training workshops. At both events, we examine the myths and the realities of modern journalism and design strategies to help companies and individuals interact more successfully with journalists.
Space at the free workshops is limited, so make your reservations now. Email
Tjfr@NewsBios.com.
May, 2002
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